Before the start of E3 later today with the start of the major press conferences I thought it would be fun to post a few silly E3 predictions. I hope they bring a bit of frivolity to the day before things get serious this afternoon.
Sony
- They announce The Last Guardian 2 will ship this winter for PS3 and PS4 and it will include the original game as a pre-order bonus.
- In a sop to all those pissed at Microsoft’s decision to potential ban pre-owned games, Sony will allow you to play pre-owned games on the PS4 if you buy a PSP Vita and five games.
- To counter Microsoft’s grab for the TV, Sony announce that they will be including FM radio in the PS4. The integrated system will allow you to listen to your favourite Classic Rock station while playing Killzone: Shadow Fall. Also, by using the PlayStation Eye, you will be able to twiddle virtual knobs on the screen in order to dial into the right frequency.
Microsoft
- Avatars are back, but this time you can draw your own and scan them into the system using Kinect. Everyone will need one as there will be new DRM which will require you to validate your identity by wearing a mask of your Avatar. All masks can be purchased from Microsoft.com for just $9.99 inc p&p.
- After the rumours that Rare have been working on a game for the Xbox One, based on one of their old franchises, they announce Killer Instict: Kinect with Avatars. All the classic characters have been replaced by Avatars and the combat doesn’t use the controller. You will be able to pull off 1000 hit combos just by frantically waving and chopping your hands.
- Due to poor take-up of Windows 8, the Xbox One will come with a version of Windows 8 for PC which must first be installed on your PC or Laptop and verified before you can activate your new Xbox.
Nintendo
- After poor sales of the Wii U Nintendo decide some re-branding is in order. They announce a portable version of the Wii U. It is basically a Wii U hooked up to a car battery and attached to a skateboard. It is called the Wii Gameboy.
- Miyamoto takes his love of gardening and dogs to the obvious conclusion by announcing The Legend of Zelda: The Golden Years. You play a retired Link who tends Zelda’s castle garden and looks after his pet dog Ganon. Take part in epic battles against weeds, the elements, and Ganon’s toilet habits; figure out which plants to grow in order to keep Zelda happy; and deal with Link’s depression as he ultimately breaks down after realising what a life of adventure has led him too.
Misc
- This year’s Collector’s Edition of Call of Duty Ghosts will come with your very own Alsatian puppy.
- EA announce they have bought the rights to release games based on the old Lucas Arts adventure games. First off will be Day of The Tentacle 2 starring Jar Jar Binks. You play Jar Jar Binks as he tries to prevent Laverne, Hoagie and Bernard using Doctor Ed’s Chron-o-John to stop George Lucas from making The Phantom Menace.
- Sega and Nintendo take their currently close partnership to the next level by merging and becoming Segendo. To commemorate the occasion they give away a Virtual Boy to all those attending E3.
